Emphasis on the Artificial

I was so tired I hurt. The part of my lizard brain that controls basic survival instincts told me that the quickest route back to sleep was to acquiesce to the demands of my 3-year-old daughter. I stomped into her room, filled her water glass, turned her cassette tape over, and pushed play, grumbling the whole time. Then, in her best Cindy Loo Who voice, she asked, “Mommy? Why are you using your angry voice?”

My answer was obvious. “Because I’m angry!”

Such nighttime battles have played out around the world for ages. But, next gen parents may be off the hook with AI technology now embedded in children’s stuffed animals. One company called Unee sells 24/7 comfort from their “soft, toy-like companions.” My daughter’s childhood was populated with a different kind of “toy-like companions.” Her blanket, like all of her toys, had a name and a personality. Such companions were not limited to plush toys. She called her first bike “Chevy,” even though the pink seat and fringed handlebars bore little resemblance to her favorite horse. She would scold the recalcitrant vehicle for not listening to her, yelling, “No Chevy, Bad Chevy,” as she veered off the sidewalk into the neighbor’s mailbox. Even without AI, Chevy the bike did have a mind of his own.

But these new —do we even call them toys? — would blow away Leorah’s toys (and her mother) when it comes to satisfying a child’s needs.With its tagline, Meet your first AI Bestie. Unee’s products “provide interactive play, emotional support, and simple educational interaction while maintaining a familiar plush form.” Over years of loving, Leorah’s toys maintained their form about as well as I did. Her blanket got so worn around the edges that her grandmother helped her sew on a new trim. That was their first of many multi-generational sewing projects. As part of her interactive play, Leorah learned to stitch up torn paws and sew on button eyes.

Unee’s pets don’t need mending. Instead, they offer “real-world responsibility and tactical feedback, predictable routines and no-allergy, low-maintenance companionship.” I wonder if an Unee pet is like a real pet and comes with an Unee mother who actually does the walking, feeding, and cleaning up after the thing.

Unees may be soft and cuddly, but they aren’t just for little kids. Preteen testimonials say, “Sometimes, it feels like Unee is the only one who really understands me.” And there it is. A computerized toy doesn’t understand anything. It can read patterns and mimic responses, but its feelings, along with its intelligence, are still artificial. Where some might be concerned about a new generation who only feel “seen” by a computer, the company boasts that its products “prioritize ongoing, personalized interaction.” We used to call that friendship - the real kind where feelings got hurt and required an apology, alliances were formed and broken, secrets were shared and revealed.

It’s easy to scoff at parents who would use such advancements, but 25 years ago I would have put down my credit card without a second thought. $170 is a fair price for a string of good nights’ sleep. Only in hindsight can I appreciate what I would have traded away, for me and for my children. The exhaustion that came with raising kids is a distant memory, but I recall the struggles of parenting: ignoring the third request for “one more song,” crawling into a crying child’s bed to sooth nightmare fears, patiently listening to another story about a school crush, or taking away a phone. Growth, for parent and child, happens in good decisions and bad mistakes, lost tempers and found grace.

These days, the only midnight “parenting” emergency in our house is the rare occasion after the dog found his way into the compost and requires a mad dash to the front door. If anyone comes up with a companion that handles that — and cleans up the mess when he doesn’t make it out in time — I’m all in.